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I'm not entirely sure what brings me here tonight, today, another day, just another, so many other shining in similarity, but the here/now makes this stick out like a sore thumb, and I haven't even been wielding any hammers...

What if I was to visit daily with random babble and artful commentary on nothingness? This existense befuddling and musing I find myself here again to (yawn) just wonder and wait and wriggling worm on a hook, I'm hooked always waiting for the next split-second 'cause who knows what it might hold? Do you?

Doesn't matter if you do -- wouldn't believe you anyway, no more than I trust my own inclinations and dispensations and I think back over a day that's passed, at a blahblah here and a blahblah there, a check-this-out as I check-in and scratch my head at fruitless questions, shake fruitless trees and await another Friday to guarantee some spare sleep I've been missing...

But I type meanwhile at whoever's handy, sometimes... several important someones, and I'm a middleman with no clue, wonder what on earth...what in hell, what in heaven's name I must be doing, but but but it doesn't really matter, not so much... I look back at years that have passed and they're just banners waving, so I wave back and with a grin I wink at dear friends who are twice my own age... or close enough, though in spirit we click as if off the assembly line within minutes of each other...

And so drunk on nothing I find it difficult to care what you think, what we think about every other conjured up issue...I see through it all by accident and with a strange lamentation I cringe, cry, every muscle tense as I wait for something that need never come, a waste of its time...

Won't manage to change my mind, won't twist me as it might desire... perfectly content to await the uncontrollable growth of cancer! Bloom and overwhelm me, I don't mind with so much already behind me... and I think back to a room in a house and a thought, ridiculous, last time 'round, but still the same blooms, same silliness as I grow into these too-big pants, shoes, shirt...

Neck aches again though, and nothing to do about it but crash, burn, sleep it off (not that it won't return tomorrow)... but comfy bed is a menace in itself and if I had the nerve, could conspire with clock to make a mess and sleep too late, too long, too wonderful...especially for a day like this.

Ha. You wish you knew.

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