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I've been thinking a lot lately. No, I guess thinking a lot really isn't a new thing for me. I think a lot almost constantly. But it's only sometimes that I slow down long enough to notice the thoughts. And so it goes. The thoughts of late have been gravitating toward relationships... friendships, romances, acquaintances... human interaction on all levels. And also pondering how I fit into the mix. Or where. And it is a question I will probably always ask myself. I don't consider this a bad thing. Asking this question shows some level of self awareness and more than a superficial concern for how I'm evolving. But sometimes I do wish I could find that place... you know? Just stumble across some corner of the world and know instantly "I'm home". I feel very much like a square peg in a world full of dowels. I surround myself with as many square pegs as I can, who live in little boxes like I do and who work in little boxes like I do, but even amongst them I do not quite fit. I think I've always known that I'm different, but because I do my best to surround myself with people who are different like me I don't always remember how different I am. I'm not saying I'm this great, special individual... I'd be the last person to say that about me. No, just that because I've always felt different, I doubt I'll ever feel like I fit into any group. This makes me sad sometimes. Not that I need a big group to belong to, just that sometimes it might be interesting to feel what it was like to just relax and let all my guards down with someone. Something I'm not sure I'm capable of to be honest. Some people only see one side. Others see the intersection of 2 sides but never the whole square. Very few people see more than that. And not everyone sees the same 2 sides. I guess all this pondering has made me a little sad and lonely. Or perhaps just made me realize the existence of the sadness and loneliness in me. Anyway, I'm not sure I said anything like what I thought I wanted to say but such is the nature of words when I write them.
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Being drunk on their plan they lifted up the Sun. Yelling as hard as they can the doubters all were stunned, heard louder than a gun, the sound they made was love.
The Flaming Lips

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